Hi. Guys, I’m not feeling it. Coming back from vacation was/is hard. It doesn’t help that it’s snowed almost every day for the past three weeks and I haven’t really seen the sun. I think I’ve got a touch of SAD. I really didn’t think it was going to happen. But our vacation was rainy/cloudy, and coming home has been snowy/cloudy, so it might actually have happened. Everything just feels so hard right now. All I can think about is going home. That’s not usually how I feel about this place. Anyway, I’ve booked my tickets down south again. Currently flying May 3-24. T-minus 6.5 weeks. *sad face* Hopefully with a few more sunny days I’ll be able to shake this.
Speaking of the weather it’s been juuuust around freezing during the days for the past week, which has lead to some very swampy/precarious conditions. We’re talking melting puddles everywhere, slush on all the sidewalks and soft slippery snow which all freezes solid at night. Talk about dangerous! We’re due for some more cold cold temperatures later this week. YAY! (not!) *sad face*
My final EI payment came in the other day and I am freaking out a little bit inside. We definitely do not need the money to get by, but liked having it so much. I feel a ton of pressure from myself to be contributing financially to the household. I know the entire reason we moved up to this far away and deathly cold place was so that I could be a stay at home mom and NOT HAVE TO WORK. But I feel like I’m not doing enough. Let me be clear that Shane does not put any pressure on me to work or contribute financially. In fact he’s always the one reminding me that we’re fine and that I’m happier not going to work every day. (very true) But I enjoy seeing us achieving our goals faster. I had planned to look after some friend’s babies when they returned to work, but on a part time basis. No full time for this gal, I get overwhelmed easily. All three leads I had have dried up. One friend got told her job was no longer and the other two have been forced into full time lines (if they’d like to keep their jobs). I’ve tried putting myself out there with my photography too, but nothing has come of it. I guess just being a stay at home mom when I watch all my friends juggle kids and jobs makes me feel lazy and inadequate.
Happy St Patrick’s Day by the way. Here is a holiday I’ve never once celebrated. HA! Since having Hazel I’ve tried to be very clear with myself which traditions I’d like us to follow and how. I even wrote a list. Want to see it?
New Years – Olibollen, cheese fondue. Chocolate Cake Day – Jan 27. Valentines – Cookies, heart shaped meal. Pancake Day – Feb 28. St Patricks Day – make hot cross buns, wear green, soda bread. Easter – Paint eggs, eat ham, egg hunt. Waffle Day – March 25. Birthdays – big breakfast, choice of dinner, special outfit, birthday interview, cake, measuring height. Mother’s Day. Donut Day – June 3. Father’s Day – pizza for dinner. Canada Day – parade, wear white and red, BBQ. Smores Day – Aug 10. Cheeseburger Day – Sept 18. Coffee Day – Sept 29. Thanksgiving – have turkey. Halloween – spooky breakfast, trick or treating, carve pumpkins. Sinta Claus – Dec 5. Christmas – New PJS, treat boxes, leave cookies for santa, christmas movie on christmas eve, new ornament, cinnamon rolls, 25 days of advent
Spring: planting. Summer: Family Camping trip. Fall: pumpkin patch. Winter: sledding
I might be crazy. Who knows. I am currently fighting with a batch of hot cross buns as we speak.
Hazel’s birthday is in less then a month! How did she get so big?? We’ve both been sick with a nasty cold/flu for almost a week and I’m pretty tired of it. I want my sweet happy girl back! I just sent out the invitations for her party today! It’s kinda surreal really. I’m trying to remember that it’s just a first birthday party. There is no reason to go crazy on the decorations or the food. Coffee and cake, that’s all I need. I don’t want to set a lame standard though…you know? She’s a baby, so there will be balloons. And streamers of course. I need to stay off pintrest, lol! I’ve got most of her birthday outfit here already and her second (of 2) gifts arrived today. I’m glad that’s done.
I know this is going to sound ridiculous but I’m feeling really sad at the state of my house. I love decorating my space, and the little trinkets and pretty things I have lying out are some of my favourite things to look at. With Hazel on a near constant destructive rampage I’ve had to clear off all surfaces. The way the house looks to me now is just sad. I don’t get happy feelings. It feels the way a hotel room does to me; Nice enough, but lacking the personal touches. How many more months until she can be trusted not to shred my books and magazines and break my candles and shatter my nicer pieces and tears up my plants? Oh, years you say? FML