December 23

Oh hey! It’s almost Christmas Eve!  Almost more importantly, the shortest day of the year has passed!  I always think I’m doing okay, but when we get this far into the long long looooooong mornings, I die.  We are up anywhere between 4:50-5:30 every. single. morning.  and I’ll remind you the sun doesn’t come up until 10:06.  That’s 5 hours and 5 minutes of my day in which it’s pitch black outside.  I don’t know, mornings always feel so brutal.  Once the sun gets up, we go out for an activity and we are good for the day, no problems.  Only two more months of unreasonable darkness and things will get a lot better!  I know I sound whiny, but it feels hard!We’ve been having a lot of Christmas fun this month.  I just love how many extra activities there are for the month of December.  The lack of busy-ness after Christmas definitely contributes to the letdown.  We’ve done gingerbread houses (at a program, it was so nice to not have the mess in my house!), Christmas parties, ice skating, baking, hot chocolate drinking, and gifting of little treats for friends.  It’s so fun! Speaking of gifting, I normally make so many baking boxes to gift locally, but this year I gave the option for a loaf of my sourdough instead.  Now I know it isn’t an insult to my baking, people just get sick of sweets, but only ONE person out of 10 took me up on my baking box offer.  Everyone else opted for bread!  Now, my bread is amazing.  I made cherry and walnut sourdough, so obviously it was a very good choice.  And I’m not complaining because a loaf of bread like that costs about $1 to make, and baking is so much more expensive. But wow, I’ve been baking 6 out of 7 days in a week for 3 weeks straight just to keep up with our own consumption and all this gifting.  I’m ready for a break!  My birthday came and went.  It was awesome.  It felt like the first birthday in so many that I was just chill.  These anti-depressants are so good for me.  It was the first year that what I’ve received, and how much hasn’t mattered.  It honestly didn’t!  I think the reason there was always this desire for more and better gifts was to mask how I was struggling to feel happy on this happy day.  Does that make sense?  I was very depressed, but I knew I was supposed to feel happy, so getting awesome gifts would give me that feeling when I couldn’t find it anywhere else.  This year I actually am happy, so getting things didn’t make me feel any happier!  Hazel gave me lots of birthday hugs and kisses, Shane made me delicious food all day long.  I got to see my friends at our play time, and I baked my own very delicious cake.  It was such a nice day.

1 Comment on December 23

  1. Michelle
    December 24, 2017 at 10:45 am (2 months ago)

    The cake looks fantastic! I’m so happy for you that you are feeling better. 💕 27 years and life is looking up! I told you life starts at 27. 😏


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